My Arranged Marriage: A Hasidic Jew's Experience!

By J. Greenbaum

Do Hasidic Jews have arranged marriages? - Yes, Hasidic Jews typically have arranged marriages!

  1. Was my marriage arranged? Yes!
  2. Was it easy? No, really not!
  3. Are you happy? Yes, very!


I was born and raised in a Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn, New York. Like most Hasidic Jews, I was raised with e expectation that I would one day be married through an arranged marriage.

When I was 20, my parents began the process of finding me a match. They enlisted the help of a Jewish matchmaker, or "shadchan." TIn he shadchan set up a meeting with the potential match and his parents.

I ultimately chose to marry the man who my parents and the shadchan thought would be the best match for me. We've been married for 17 years, and I can confidently say that arranged marriage is the best thing that happened to me.

Some people view arranged marriage as a backward, oppressive institution. But I believe there is a lot of beauty in the tradition of arranged marriage. For one, arranged marriage takes the pressure off of dating. In western society, the dating process is often fraught with anxiety and stress. There is the fear of rejection, the fear of being hurt, and the fear of wasting time on a relationship that will ultimately go nowhere. With arranged marriage, all of that pressure is taken off. You are not constantly wondering if the person you are with is "the one." You know that you have been matched with someone who is compatible with you and has the same religious and cultural values as you.

Arranged marriage also takes the pressure off of physical attraction. In the western world, we often place so much emphasis on physical attraction. But looks are not everything. With arranged marriage, you are not choosing your spouse based on their looks, but rather on their character, values, and compatibility. In my opinion, the beauty of arranged marriage lies in its simplicity. You are not spending months or years getting to know someone, only to ultimately be disappointed.In an arranged marriage, marrying someone based on their appearance is highly discouraged. With an arranged marriage, you know exactly what you're getting.

My  experience with arranged marriage

I can honestly say that arranged marriage is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am now married to my best friend, and we have two beautiful children together. When I got married, I was only 20 years old. I was young, and I really didn't know anything about marriage. But my parents and the shadchan thought that I was ready, so I went ahead with it. I am so glad that I did. My husband and I have been married for 17 years, and we are happier than ever. We have a great relationship, and we are best friends. I would not have had that if I had married someone I met on my own. I would have married someone who I was physically attracted to, but who was not necessarily compatible with me.

Like anything, arranged marriage has its pros and cons. Some of the pros of arranged marriage include: -It takes the pressure off of dating -It takes the pressure off of physical attraction -It is a great way to meet potential spouses who share your religious and cultural values

I am running out o0f time now but I will be back in a few days to share with you my personal story and a poam I wrote to my wife after 17 years o f marrige. 

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