Can Orthodox Jews Get Divorced?

Can Orthodox Jews Get Divorced?

Yes. Despite the strong emphasis on marriage and family, Orthodox Judaism fully recognizes that some marriages need to end. Divorce is not encouraged, but it's not forbidden either. The Talmud states that when a couple divorces, "even the altar sheds tears" (Gittin 90b) — it's sad, but it's a legitimate option.

The direct answer: Orthodox Jews can and do get divorced. The process requires a get — a religious divorce document — in addition to a civil divorce. Without a get, a Jewish marriage is not considered dissolved under Torah and rabbinic tradition">halacha, regardless of civil divorce status.

What Is a Get?

A get is a formal document of Jewish divorce, handwritten by a trained scribe (sofer) according to precise halachic specifications. It's a twelve-line document written in Aramaic that declares the marriage dissolved and the woman free to remarry.

The process involves:

1. A rabbinical court (beis din) of three qualified rabbis oversees the proceedings
2. A trained scribe writes the get specifically for this couple — it can't be generic or pre-written
3. The husband commissions the writing and authorizes its delivery
4. The get is handed from the husband (or his agent) to the wife (or her agent)
5. The beis din verifies the process was done correctly
6. The document is cut or marked to prevent reuse, and both parties receive proof of the divorce

The entire procedure can take a few hours, but scheduling and logistics often extend the timeline.

Why Is a Get Necessary?

A civil divorce dissolves the legal marriage recognized by the state. But under Jewish law, only a get dissolves the religious marriage. Without a get:

• The woman is still considered married under Torah and rabbinic tradition">halacha
• She cannot remarry in an Orthodox ceremony
• If she has children with another man, those children are considered mamzerim (of illegitimate halachic status), which carries serious consequences for generations

The stakes of not obtaining a get are significant, which is why the Orthodox community treats this issue with great seriousness.

The Agunah Problem

The most painful issue in Jewish divorce law is the agunah — a "chained woman" whose husband refuses to give a get. Because the get must be given willingly by the husband, a man can use this requirement as leverage, refusing to grant the divorce to extort concessions or simply out of spite.

This is widely recognized as a crisis within the Orthodox world:

• Rabbinical courts can apply social and communal pressure on recalcitrant husbands
• Prenuptial agreements (like the one developed by the Beth Din of America) are increasingly signed before marriage, creating financial consequences for get refusal
• Community sanctions can include public shaming, business boycotts, and social exclusion of men who refuse to give a get
• Advocacy organizations like ORA (Organization for the Resolution of Agunot) raise awareness and support affected women

Despite these efforts, agunah cases remain a painful reality. The imbalance — where a woman needs her husband's cooperation to be religiously free — is the most frequently criticized aspect of Orthodox divorce law, including by people within the community.

How Common Is Divorce?

Orthodox divorce rates are lower than the general population, but divorce is far from rare. Estimates vary, but Orthodox communities have seen increasing divorce rates over the past few decades. The stigma has decreased significantly — a divorced person is no longer a social pariah, and remarriage is common and accepted.

In the shidduch (matchmaking) world, divorced individuals are actively set up on dates. Many find loving second marriages. Judaism doesn't view divorce as failure so much as recognition that not every match works, and both people deserve a chance at happiness.

The Emotional Reality

Divorce in the Orthodox community comes with the same pain as anywhere else — plus additional layers. The community is tight-knit, so everyone knows. Children are in Jewish schools where their parents' divorce becomes public knowledge. Shabbat meals and holiday celebrations must be renegotiated.

But the community also provides support. Rabbis counsel both parties. Friends rally. The communal infrastructure — meals, childcare help, emotional support — that serves families in crisis kicks in during divorce too.

My friend who went through a divorce told me the hardest part wasn't the get process itself — it was explaining to her kids why Tatty wasn't coming home for Shabbat anymore. The get took an afternoon. Healing took years.

Moving Forward

Judaism's approach to divorce is characteristically practical: marriage is sacred, but it's not inescapable. When a marriage genuinely cannot work, the Torah provides a path forward. The get process, for all its complexities, is ultimately about freedom — giving both people the ability to close one chapter and begin another.

Want to learn more? Explore Jewish wedding traditions or read about Orthodox Jewish dating.