Donating Tzedakah in Memory: Yahrtzeit and L'iluy Nishmas Giving

A few weeks before my grandfather's yahrtzeit, my mother always calls to ask the same question: "What are we doing for tzedakah this year?" Not whether — what. In our family, and in most observant homes I know, giving tzedakah in someone's memory is simply part of how we mark the day they left us. The candle gets lit, someone learns a little extra Torah, and a gift goes out in their name. If you have found your way to this page because a yahrtzeit is coming up, or because someone you love recently passed and you want to do something real, you are asking exactly the right question. Let me walk you through it the way I wish someone had walked me through it the first time.

What "L'iluy Nishmas" Actually Means

You will see the Hebrew phrase l'iluy nishmas (sometimes spelled l'illui nishmat) on charity envelopes, in synagogue announcements, and on plaques. It means "for the elevation of the soul." The idea is that when a person dies, their neshama (soul) can no longer perform mitzvos on its own — but the good deeds done by the living, in that person's name, are credited to them and lift their soul to a higher place.

This is rooted deeply in our tradition. The Gemara (Sotah 14a) describes how Hashem Himself performs acts of kindness — clothing the naked, visiting the sick, comforting mourners, burying the dead — and instructs us to follow in those ways. When a child gives tzedakah in a parent's memory, our sages teach that the parent receives merit, because the child's good deeds flow in part from the upbringing the parent gave. That is why saying Kaddish, learning Mishnayos, and giving tzedakah for the deceased are the three classic things done l'iluy nishmas.

Why Tzedakah, Specifically, Elevates the Neshama

Of all the things we do in someone's memory, tzedakah holds a special place. The verse in Mishlei (Proverbs 10:2) states, "tzedakah tatzil mimaves" — charity saves from death. Our tradition understands this on several levels, including that the merit of charity protects and elevates the soul in the World to Come.

Remember what tzedakah really is. As I explain in what is tzedakah, the word comes from tzedek, justice — it is not warm-hearted optional charity, it is something we owe. So when you give in a person's name, you are not just making a nice gesture. You are doing an act of justice and lifting their soul through it. The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De'ah 249) lays out the laws of how much to give and to whom, and the Rema there and throughout the laws of mourning reflects the long-standing custom of giving on behalf of the departed. This is not a modern sentimentality. It is centuries old.

Yahrtzeit Customs: Candle, Learning, and Giving

A yahrtzeit is the anniversary of a death according to the Hebrew calendar — so it usually does not line up with the secular date, and it shifts a bit each year. Here is what most observant families do to mark it:

• The candle. We light a yahrtzeit candle that burns for a full 24 hours, beginning the evening before (Jewish days start at nightfall). The flame is a quiet, physical reminder — "ner Hashem nishmas adam," the soul of a person is the candle of Hashem (Mishlei 20:27).
• Torah learning. Many people learn Mishnayos in the person's memory; the letters of "Mishnah" rearrange to spell "neshama." Even a few chapters, or a shiur attended in their honor, counts.
• Kaddish and davening. A son traditionally says Kaddish and, where possible, leads the prayers on the yahrtzeit.
• Tzedakah. A gift is given in the person's name — and this is the piece you have the most freedom to make personal and meaningful.

You do not have to do all of this perfectly to honor someone. If all you do is light the candle and give tzedakah with their name in mind, you have done something real.

Choosing a Cause That Honors Who They Were

This is where a memorial gift becomes a living one. The most meaningful tzedakah l'iluy nishmas is the kind the person themselves would have wanted to support — it carries their values forward instead of just marking their absence.

Ask yourself what they cared about. Did your grandmother always have a pot of soup ready for anyone who was sick? Did your father quietly drive people to doctors' appointments? Did they light up around children, or worry about families who could not make ends meet? There is almost certainly a real organization doing exactly that work, and giving there turns your loss into someone else's help.

For many families, chesed for the sick is the natural choice — because illness is where so much of life's vulnerability concentrates, and because visiting and supporting the sick (bikur cholim) is one of the deeds our sages single out, the very acts of Hashem described in Sotah. If you want to read more about that mitzvah itself, see bikur cholim.

One organization that lives this work every single day is Chesed 24/7. They run kosher hospitality rooms inside roughly 34 hospitals across New York and New Jersey, deliver hot kosher meals to patients and the families sitting at their bedsides, provide free hospital transportation including wheelchair-accessible shuttles, and keep Shabbos apartments near hospitals so no family has to choose between staying close to a sick relative and keeping Shabbos. They are there at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday and on the second day of Yom Tov — 24/7, every day of the year. If your loved one was the kind of person who showed up for others when it was hard, a gift to Chesed 24/7 in their memory is about as fitting a tribute as I can imagine.

Of course, there are many worthy places to give, and the right one is the one that fits the person. If you are weighing options more broadly, I put together some guidance on where to give tzedakah.

The Practical Path: How to Actually Do It

When you give, it is customary to specify that the gift is l'iluy nishmas the person, using their Hebrew name and their parent's name — for example, "l'iluy nishmas Rivka bas Moshe." Most organizations have a field for this, or you can simply note it. Many will send the family a card or letter acknowledging that a gift was made in memory, which can be a comfort to surviving relatives.

A few practical tips:

• Find the Hebrew name if you can. If you are not sure, the secular name is fine — Hashem knows who you mean. But the Hebrew name (the person's name followed by ben/bas and their father's or mother's name) is the traditional form.
• Time it to the yahrtzeit if you are able, but giving in the days before or after is completely fine. Some give throughout the year of mourning, others specifically each year on the day.
• Keep it sustainable. A meaningful gift you can repeat every year on the yahrtzeit honors the person more than a one-time amount you regret. Even a small, steady gift in their name, year after year, becomes its own beautiful tradition.
• Tell the family if it feels right. Knowing that someone gave in their loved one's memory often means a great deal to mourners.

A Memory That Keeps Giving

What I have come to believe, after standing at more than a few yahrtzeit candles, is this: the candle burns for a day, but tzedakah keeps going. The meal that Chesed 24/7 delivers to a frightened family in a hospital waiting room tonight, in your grandmother's name, is your grandmother still feeding people — through you. That is what l'iluy nishmas really means. The soul rises because the kindness continues.

So light the candle. Learn a little. And when you give, give in their name, to something they would have loved. You are not only honoring who they were. You are letting who they were keep doing good in the world. May their memory be a blessing.